Sunday, November 9, 2008

Bad Mommy Confessions

Sick of the ultra-competitive, over-analyzed, uber-researched parenting 'trend'? Yeah, well so am I. I'm tired of feeling like I have to have a PhD in snot wiping in order to raise happy, healthy, well adjusted kids. I'm sick of feeling like I was a failure since I didn't have an un-medicated, intervention- free birth and then I didn't go on to exclusively breast feed my kids for 3 years. I'm worn out from trying so hard to do everything 'right' and feeling like I'm getting it all wrong.

So I say fuck all that.

I say it's okay to let your kids eat Oreos for breakfast once in a while. It's okay to skip educational lecture at the zoo and go right to the ice cream stand. It's okay to call in sick to work and daycare and spend all day in your jammies in front of the tv occasionally, even if it is really nice outside. And it's okay to admit that sometimes your own sweet, lovely, beautiful children will make you so freaking crazy that you will have fantasies about running off to a remote island with their pediatrician/the UPS guy/the inventor of the vasectomy and not leave a forwarding address.

(It is NOT, however, okay to abuse or neglect ANY child even if they are being a total shithead. I am an ardent supporter of the Constitution and do not believe in the death penalty, but I think anyone who willfully hurts a child should be disemboweled in a public square and their bodies fed to rabid dogs. If you think this blog is about that kind of 'Bad Mommy Confessions' you are sorely mistaken. So go throw your sick carcass off a bridge somewhere.)

The point of Bad Mommy Confessions is to unclench and admit that sometimes I go off the grid of parenting advice. It's a place to confess that although I love my children more than life itself sometimes they make me so fucking mad I want to rip my uterus out and throw it at them.

If you find all this absolutely shocking and incomprehensible you clearly have no children. Or sense of humor. Or both.

If you can relate just a little tiny bit, I'm glad you found me. Now let's get real.


Cassie said...

Amen Sista!!!!

Kelli said...

I'm pretty sure you are my long lost sister. Of course, my older sister.

Christie said...

This is going to be good! I'm looking forward to all future posts :)